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The Impact of Sexual Violence on Sleep and Memory

Counselling, GBV / Gender based violence, Road To Recovery

The impact of sexual violence often reaches far beyond the moment it occurred. Its impact can reach into many aspects of a survivor’s life, including how they sleep, how they remember events, and how they navigate everyday tasks such as work, studying, and relationships.

One of the most common misconceptions about trauma is that people remember traumatic experiences in the same way they remember ordinary events. In reality, trauma can affect how memories are stored and recalled.

During a traumatic experience, the brain’s primary focus is survival. Rather than processing events in a clear, chronological sequence, the brain may store fragments of information, such as sounds, images, sensations, emotions, or specific moments that felt particularly significant or threatening.

As a result, survivors may remember some details vividly while struggling to recall others. They may remember events out of order, have gaps in their memory, or recall additional details over time.

This is why inconsistencies in a survivor’s account do not automatically mean they are lying. Fragmented memories are a well-documented response to trauma and are often a reflection of how the brain responds to overwhelming experiences.

Trauma can also have a profound impact on sleep. Many survivors experience nightmares, difficulty falling asleep, interrupted sleep, or periods of hypervigilance where their bodies remain on high alert even when they are physically safe.

For some, sleep may feel unsafe because nightmares or intrusive memories bring them back to aspects of the trauma.

When sleep is disrupted over time, it can affect concentration, memory, emotional regulation, and overall wellbeing. Survivors may find it difficult to focus at work, keep up with studies, remember information, complete everyday tasks, or feel present in conversations. These challenges are not signs of weakness or failure. They are often part of the body’s response to trauma.

Healing does not happen overnight, and there is no “correct” way to remember or respond to trauma. Recovery can involve learning to feel safe again, rebuilding trust in one’s body, improving sleep, and developing ways to manage distressing memories when they arise.

Understanding the impact of trauma on sleep and memory helps us move away from harmful assumptions and towards greater compassion for survivors. When we recognise these responses as common effects of trauma, we create more informed, supportive, and survivor-centered communities.

If you or someone you know needs support, we offer free and confidential counselling and support services to survivors of sexual violence and their loved ones.

If you can’t speak to anyone, speak to us:

English: 021 447 9762

isiXhosa: 021 361 9085

Afrikaans: 021 633 9229

WhatsApp (weekdays): 083 222 5164

 

Written by

Jameelah Ebrahim

29th June 2026/by Sino
https://rapecrisis.org.za/wp-content/uploads/2026/06/The-Impact-of-Sexual-Violence-on-Sleep-and-Memory_Blog-Header.png 602 1584 Sino https://rapecrisis.org.za/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/RC-logo-color-1.png Sino2026-06-29 17:14:052026-06-29 17:14:05The Impact of Sexual Violence on Sleep and Memory

What is Vicarious Trauma?

Counselling, GBV / Gender based violence, Information, Road To Recovery, Selfcare

Understanding the Emotional Impact of Supporting Survivors

Vicarious trauma is not always something people talk about openly, yet it is deeply present in spaces where care, support, and empathy are at the center of the work. It is the emotional and psychological impact that comes from hearing, witnessing, or holding the trauma of others.

Unlike trauma that comes from direct experience, vicarious trauma happens indirectly. It develops over time, often through repeated exposure to the stories, emotions, and realities of people who have experienced violence.

It is sometimes described as “the cost of caring” because it is rooted in empathy. The same ability that allows someone to support survivors with compassion can also make them more vulnerable to absorbing the emotional weight of those experiences.

Vicarious trauma does not only affect professionals like counsellors, social workers, or first responders. It can also affect anyone who supports a survivor, including friends, family members, or community members who are present when someone shares their experience.

Over time, this exposure can begin to shift how a person feels, thinks, and moves through the world. People experiencing vicarious trauma may feel emotionally overwhelmed, exhausted, or numb. They may struggle with intrusive thoughts, difficulty sleeping, or a sense of hopelessness.

In some cases, it can even begin to affect how someone sees themselves, others, and the world around them. This is because trauma, even when experienced indirectly, has the power to reshape a person’s sense of safety, trust, and meaning.

Research has shown that this is not uncommon. In one study, a large number of social service workers reported experiencing vicarious trauma as a result of their work, highlighting how widespread and often unspoken this experience is.

It is important to understand that vicarious trauma is not a sign of weakness. It is a human response to repeated exposure to pain, injustice, and violence. It reflects care, empathy, and the willingness to stand alongside others in difficult moments.

At the same time, it reminds us that supporting others can carry its own emotional weight. Those who hold space for survivors also need spaces where they can process, reflect, and be supported themselves.

At Rape Crisis, this understanding is central to how we work. Supporting survivors requires not only care for those who come to us, but also care for the people doing the work every day. Creating safe, supportive, and reflective spaces for staff and volunteers is part of ensuring that survivors continue to receive consistent, compassionate, and survivor-centered care.

Vicarious trauma also speaks to something bigger. It reminds us that sexual violence does not only affect individuals. Its impact extends into families, communities, and the systems that respond to it. When we begin to understand this, we also begin to understand why collective care, awareness, and responsibility matter.

If you are supporting someone who has experienced sexual violence, it is important to remember that you do not have to carry that weight alone. Reaching out, setting boundaries, and seeking support are all part of sustaining care, both for yourself and for others.

If you can’t speak to anyone, speak to us:

English: 021 447 9762

isiXhosa: 021 361 9085

Afrikaans: 021 633 9229

WhatsApp (weekdays): 083 222 5164

 

Written by

Jameelah Ebrahim

14th May 2026/by Sino
https://rapecrisis.org.za/wp-content/uploads/2026/05/What-is-Vicarious-Trauma_Blog-Cover.png 321 845 Sino https://rapecrisis.org.za/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/RC-logo-color-1.png Sino2026-05-14 14:13:032026-05-14 14:13:03What is Vicarious Trauma?

Dear Survivor

Counselling, GBV / Gender based violence, Road To Recovery, Selfcare

As a counsellor, I sit with survivors every day. One of the first things I want you to know is that what happened to you was not your fault.

There is no right or wrong way to feel after sexual violence. You might feel angry, confused, numb, overwhelmed, or unsure of what you’re feeling at all. All of this is valid.

In counselling, I often see how difficult it can be to talk about what happened. And sometimes, it’s just as difficult to find the words. Both are okay.

Healing doesn’t follow a straight path, and it doesn’t happen at the same pace for everyone. You are allowed to take things one step at a time, in a way that feels right for you.

You deserve to be treated with care, respect, and dignity. And you deserve support that listens to you and respects your choices.

If you’re not sure about reaching out, that’s okay too. Support will be here whenever you feel ready.

 

With care,

Masibulele

Rape Crisis Counselling Coordinator

 

Support is available whenever you choose to reach out. Rape Crisis offers free, confidential counselling support to survivors of sexual violence.

If you can’t speak to anyone, speak to us:

English: 021 447 9762

isiXhosa: 021 361 9085

Afrikaans: 021 633 9229

WhatsApp (weekdays): 083 222 5164

13th May 2026/by Sino
https://rapecrisis.org.za/wp-content/uploads/2026/05/Dear-Survivor-Blog-Cover.png 321 845 Sino https://rapecrisis.org.za/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/RC-logo-color-1.png Sino2026-05-13 04:02:102026-05-13 04:02:10Dear Survivor

Spotlight on Barbara Fortuin

Counselling, Feminism, GBV / Gender based violence, Speak Out

More than 19 Years of Leadership, Care and Commitment Behind the Work

At Rape Crisis, supporting survivors happens across many spaces from counselling rooms and court support, to advocacy and community work. It also happens behind the scenes, in the steady coordination, decision making, and care that ensure these services are able to function every day. Barbara Fortuin, our Programmes Manager, plays a central role in holding this work together.

Her role focuses on the smooth running and implementation of all our programmes. No two days look the same. While some aspects are planned, much of her day is spent responding to what arises, managing competing priorities, and ensuring that both staff and survivors are supported in real time.

Barbara’s journey at Rape Crisis began in 2006 when she graduated as a volunteer counsellor. She spent the early years of her work providing direct support to survivors before stepping into the role of Counselling Coordinator in 2009, a position she held for more than eleven years.

“That was probably the most amazing part of my journey,” she reflects. “I was completely invested in the growth of both clients and the team of women providing the counselling.”

In 2021, she stepped into the role of Operations Manager, now known as Programmes Manager, where she continues to shape the organisation at a management level. This year marks more than 19 years of her being part of Rape Crisis.

What has kept her here is a deep connection to the organisation’s values of growth, purpose, healing, and unity. These values continue to guide how she approaches her work and how she shows up for both survivors and her team.

For Barbara, survivor centered care is about recognising that the focus is always on the survivor’s journey. “It is about the journey of the survivor, not what I am doing or my role in it, but how I am able to show up in the way that the survivor needs,” she explains. “Everything we do should contribute to their safety, support, and dignity.”

Over the years, many moments have affirmed why this work matters. She speaks about the realities survivors face when they are not treated fairly, when young people struggle to break the silence, and when families and communities feel unsure how to respond. She also reflects on the dedication of those doing the work.

“When staff and volunteers put their own needs aside in the interest of survivors, that is when I know this work matters,” she says.

Working in a space that is constantly changing means learning how to navigate the unexpected. For Barbara, this comes down to self-containment and perspective. “Being able to contain things without letting them spill over helps a lot,” she shares. “I have also learned that it is okay to deal with one thing at a time.”

Teamwork and collaboration are central to how she leads. Grounded in the value of unity, she takes a strength based approach, recognising what each person brings and allowing those strengths to support the team as a whole.

“A supportive team is one where people feel safe enough to support and coach each other, where support is available and accessible, and where it meets the needs of the person asking for it,” she explains.

What she wishes people understood is that the impact of sexual violence does not end when the act itself ends. The effects can last for many years, which means the need for support continues long after.

“There will never be a more important time to support a survivor or the organisations working with survivors than right now,” she says.

She also reminds us that meaningful change often begins with small actions. Believing someone who discloses, offering support, or using your voice to raise awareness in your community can all make a difference.

After more than 19 years, Barbara’s journey reflects what it means to stay committed to the work, to grow within it, and to continue showing up with care and intention. While much of what she does happens behind the scenes, its impact is felt across every part of the organisation and in the lives of the survivors we support.

Thank you, Barbara, for your leadership, your steadiness, and your continued commitment to ensuring that survivors are supported with care, dignity, and respect every step of the way.

 

Written by

Jameelah Ebrahim

21st April 2026/by Sino
https://rapecrisis.org.za/wp-content/uploads/2026/04/Barbara-Blog-Header.png 321 845 Sino https://rapecrisis.org.za/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/RC-logo-color-1.png Sino2026-04-21 18:23:102026-04-21 18:23:54Spotlight on Barbara Fortuin

The 5 Ds of Bystander Intervention

Counselling, GBV / Gender based violence, Making Change

How Small Actions Can Make a Big Difference

Sexual violence can take many forms and does not always happen in isolation. There are moments where others may notice that something is not right, but feel unsure about what to do or whether it is their place to step in.

This uncertainty is common. Many people worry about saying the wrong thing, misreading the situation, or putting themselves at risk. But choosing to do nothing can leave someone without support in a moment when it matters most.

The Five Ds of Bystander Intervention offer simple, practical ways to respond while keeping your own safety in mind:

Direct: If it feels safe, speak up. This could be as simple as saying “That’s not okay” or interrupting the behaviour. Being direct can shift the moment and show the person affected that they are not alone.

Delegate: You don’t have to handle the situation on your own. Ask someone else to step in, whether it is a friend, a colleague, or someone in a position of responsibility. Acting together can make it safer and more effective.

Delay: If you cannot act in the moment, you can still make a difference afterwards. Check in with the person, ask if they are okay, and offer support. Being seen and acknowledged can be deeply meaningful.

Document: Take note of what happened, including details like time, place, and what was said or done. This can be helpful if the person chooses to take further steps later. Always respect their privacy and do not share anything without consent.

Distract: Sometimes the safest way to intervene is to interrupt the situation without confronting it directly. This could be changing the subject, asking for help with something, or creating a reason to move someone away.

Being an active bystander is not about having all the answers or stepping into danger. It is about paying attention, responding in a way that feels safe, and showing care for others.

Sexual violence is sustained by silence, disbelief, and inaction. When people step in, even in small ways, it helps challenge that silence and creates spaces where violence is less likely to continue.

At Rape Crisis, we believe that preventing sexual violence is a shared responsibility. Supporting survivors does not always require big actions. Sometimes, it starts with noticing, choosing to respond, and making it clear that harmful behaviour is not acceptable.

If you can’t speak to anyone, speak to us:

English (021 447-9762)

isiXhosa (021 361-9085)

Afrikaans (021 633-9229)

WhatsApp line (083 222-5164, weekdays)

 

Written by

Jameelah Ebrahim

21st April 2026/by Sino
https://rapecrisis.org.za/wp-content/uploads/2026/04/5-Ds-Blog-Header.png 321 845 Sino https://rapecrisis.org.za/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/RC-logo-color-1.png Sino2026-04-21 18:19:462026-04-21 18:24:35The 5 Ds of Bystander Intervention

F.O.U.R Stalking Behaviours

Counselling, GBV / Gender based violence, Information, Road To Justice, Road To Recovery

Recognising Patterns That Can Escalate into Sexual Violence

Stalking is often misunderstood. It is portrayed in films as romance, framed as persistence, or excused as someone who simply “cares too much.” But stalking is not about affection. It is about power, entitlement, and control.

For many survivors of sexual violence, stalking forms part of a wider pattern of coercion. It may begin with excessive messaging, monitoring social media activity, or repeated attempts to initiate contact. Over time, it can escalate into harassment, intimidation, sexual threats, and in some cases, sexual violence.

Understanding stalking as a pattern rather than isolated incidents is crucial. One way to recognise this pattern is through the F.O.U.R. framework. Stalking behaviours are often:

Fixed: An individual becomes intensely focused on someone and believes they are entitled to that person’s time, access, or body. They may create a narrative in which a relationship exists or is inevitable, even when it does not.

Obsessive: The behaviour begins to dominate their actions. They may track movements, monitor online presence, gather personal information, or repeatedly attempt contact across multiple platforms.

Unwanted: The contact is not mutual. Boundaries have been set, either explicitly or implicitly, and are ignored. Consent is absent. The person on the receiving end does not welcome the interaction.

Repetitive: The behaviour continues despite clear signals to stop. Messages, calls, appearances at home or work, and other forms of contact occur again and again, creating a climate of fear and hypervigilance.

Stalking is harmful because it erodes a person’s sense of safety. Survivors often describe altering their routines, avoiding certain places, limiting online activity, or living with constant anxiety. This restriction of freedom is not accidental. It is part of how control operates.

In the context of sexual violence, stalking can function as grooming, intimidation, retaliation, or ongoing coercion. It reinforces the message that a survivor’s boundaries do not matter. It creates fear that silence and compliance are safer than resistance.

At Rape Crisis, we understand that stalking is deeply connected to issues of consent, power, and bodily autonomy. No one is entitled to your time, attention, body, or presence. When contact is unwanted and repeated, it is not romantic. It is a violation of boundaries.

If you can’t speak to anyone, speak to us:

English: 021 447 9762

isiXhosa: 021 361 9085

Afrikaans: 021 633 9229

WhatsApp (weekdays): 083 222 5164

 

Written by

Jameelah Ebrahim

17th March 2026/by Sino
https://rapecrisis.org.za/wp-content/uploads/2026/03/F.O.U.R-Stalking-Behaviours.png 321 845 Sino https://rapecrisis.org.za/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/RC-logo-color-1.png Sino2026-03-17 00:04:322026-03-17 00:04:32F.O.U.R Stalking Behaviours

Holding Space for Healing

Counselling, GBV / Gender based violence, Road To Recovery, Speak Out
Edith’s Journey as a Volunteer Counsellor

For Edith Medell, being a volunteer counsellor at Rape Crisis is not just about listening. It is about holding space for stories that carry both immense pain and incredible strength. Every survivor she meets teaches her something new about courage, resilience, and the quiet power of healing.

“When someone sits across from you and shares what they have survived, you realise that healing is not a destination,” Edith says. “It is a journey made up of many small moments. Moments of truth, of vulnerability, and of courage.”

Edith has been a volunteer counsellor for several years, offering free, confidential support to survivors of sexual violence. She describes her role as one that demands both empathy and presence. “It is not about having all the answers,” she explains. “It is about being willing to listen, to see someone in their pain, and to remind them that they are not alone.”

One of the most powerful lessons she has learned in her time with Rape Crisis is that resilience is not just about bouncing back. It’s about bouncing forward, learning, growing, and rebuilding a sense of self even after deep harm. “Vulnerability sounds like truth and feels like courage,” Edith says. “It is never weakness.”

She has seen how survivors often doubt their strength, especially in a world that can be harsh and dismissive of their pain. “Finding your voice is a process,” she says. “A woman with a voice is a strong woman, but the search to find that voice can be remarkably difficult. Sometimes, we become the voice for the unspoken ones until they are ready to speak for themselves.”

For Edith, counselling is not only about emotional recovery. It is about restoring dignity and reminding survivors that they still have agency, worth, and power. “The counselling room becomes a space of rebuilding,” she explains. “You see people slowly start to believe in themselves again. You see them realise that what happened to them does not define who they are.”

Edith also believes that healing does not happen in isolation. It is a collective process that includes families, communities, and society at large. “When survivors heal, they begin to shift the energy around them. Their courage inspires others to confront silence, to speak up, and to build safer spaces for everyone.”

Every time she sees a survivor take one small step forward — whether it is coming to a second counselling session, sharing their story for the first time, or simply breathing a little easier — she feels a renewed purpose. “Healing is not just power,” Edith says. “It is hope.”

Her time at Rape Crisis has changed her deeply. It has shown her that compassion can be a form of resistance, and that showing up again and again with empathy and without judgement is one of the most radical things a person can do. “The work is hard,” she admits. “But every conversation reminds me that transformation is possible. Survivors teach me what real strength looks like. They remind me why I am here.”

For Edith, each session, each survivor, and each moment of connection is part of a larger story — one of rebuilding trust, nurturing healing, and restoring hope in a world that too often forgets how to care.

 

Written by

Jameelah Ebrahim

20th November 2025/by Sino
https://rapecrisis.org.za/wp-content/uploads/2025/11/Ediths-Blog-Cover.png 321 845 Sino https://rapecrisis.org.za/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/RC-logo-color-1.png Sino2025-11-20 20:08:142025-11-20 20:08:14Holding Space for Healing

Protecting Children is Everyone’s Responsibility

Counselling, GBV / Gender based violence, Road To Justice, Road To Recovery
A Spotlight on Mazeeda Karani, Child Care and Protection Social Worker at Rape Crisis

Every day, Mazeeda Karani carries stories that many find too painful to imagine—stories woven with harm, silence, resilience, and survival. Now in her fourth year with Rape Crisis, she has been a steady and compassionate presence, serving as the Child Care and Protection Social Worker across the three Thuthuzela Care Centres (TCCs) we support: Victoria Hospital, Karl Bremer Hospital, and Heideveld Hospital. In these spaces, she walks alongside child survivors of sexual violence, gently guiding them through the complex and often overwhelming process of healing. But this is not happening in a vacuum. South Africa’s pervasive culture of violence and aggression has created a landscape where sexual violence is far too common, and where children’s safety is continuously threatened.

We are sitting in a dire situation. Over a six-year period—from 2018/2019 to 2023/2024—more than 106 000 cases of child rape were reported in South Africa – a statistic sourced from a parliamentary question highlighted in an October 2024 press release. That’s an average of 48 children raped every day. During the same period, over 22 000 cases of child sexual assault were recorded—an average of 10 children sexually assaulted each day. These figures are horrifying in their magnitude, but they represent only the tip of the iceberg. Many children never get the chance to speak out, trapped in silence by fear, shame, or the absence of safe spaces to disclose. The true scale of this crisis is far greater than the numbers suggest. It’s not just a crisis—it’s an emergency we cannot afford to ignore.

Mazeeda’s work is rooted in creating safety, support, and hope for children facing unimaginable circumstances. “I see children from birth to 18 years, often referred from schools, hospitals, or directly from their homes or foster care,” she shares. “I provide family counselling, work with siblings who may also be affected, and help children navigate the immediate and long-term effects of abuse.” Siblings, especially, carry their own trauma—sometimes acting as protectors, other times blaming themselves. Children in foster care face additional vulnerabilities, navigating new environments while processing deep wounds. Mazeeda ensures these children are not overlooked.

Her role is critical in South Africa’s broader child protection system, which she acknowledges faces significant challenges. “We’re dealing with low funding, social workers who are burnt out, and a lack of resources, which leaves children and families in uncertainty,” Mazeeda says. “But my work provides some stability—especially for children going through transitions, like being removed from harmful situations or dealing with the trauma of a family member being arrested.” Systemic delays—like waiting months for forensic assessments or enduring long-drawn-out justice processes—can retraumatise survivors and erode trust. Many children, Mazeeda says, feel like they’ve been left in limbo, with no clarity or closure. It’s another layer of harm that must be addressed if we’re serious about protecting children.

“Children carry more than we realise,” she continues. “They carry pain in their silence, in their play, and in how they move through the world after something traumatic has happened to them.” Her work is grounded in patience, empathy, and the understanding that healing for children is never linear. It requires deep trust and a willingness to meet them on their terms. “You can’t sit across a table and expect a child to talk the way an adult would,” she says. “It’s about entering their world, paying attention to their cues, and creating a space where they feel seen, heard, and safe.” Through play-based techniques, storytelling, and non-verbal expressions, Mazeeda creates an environment where children can begin to process their experiences without pressure or fear.

South Africa’s pervasive culture of violence and aggression adds layers of complexity to child protection work. “Children who have been sexually abused are particularly vulnerable,” Mazeeda notes. “There’s a lack of awareness in communities about sexual violence, which means we’re often dealing with children who’ve been exposed to harmful behaviours, either directly or through older peers, and who are now modelling those behaviours in their own lives.” She highlights how platforms like social media and gaming are introducing harmful sexual content to children at a young age. “Education on prevention and awareness is crucial—not just in schools but also in families. We need to build an environment where children understand healthy boundaries and behaviours.”

At the TCCs, Mazeeda witnesses firsthand the human stories behind the statistics—children from diverse backgrounds, each carrying invisible scars, and families grappling with the aftermath of violence. Access to care, she explains, remains one of the biggest challenges. “For many families, just getting to the TCC is a challenge in itself. They may travel long distances, navigate unfamiliar systems, and arrive in a space that feels cold and clinical. That’s why our presence is so important. We offer consistency, warmth, and a sense of safety in an otherwise overwhelming environment.” Mazeeda is also clear about what survivors need most from the adults in their lives: to be believed. “Belief is the first form of safety,” she says. “When a child discloses abuse, they’re not just sharing a fact—they’re asking: Do you see me? Do you believe me? Can I trust you to protect me? How we respond shapes their entire healing journey.”

Despite the emotional weight of her work, Mazeeda finds strength in the small moments that reveal a child’s resilience. “It’s heavy, but it’s also a privilege,” she says. “These children teach me about strength and courage in ways I never expected. When a child laughs again, draws something hopeful, or asks to come back to see us—that’s when I know this work is making a difference. Those moments keep me going.” Her work also brings a profound understanding of the weight of silence and stigma surrounding sexual violence. “One of the biggest challenges is that some communities still view abuse as a private matter, or blame the child or family for what happened,” she says. “There’s still too much shame, and not enough support. We need to shift the narrative—to move from blame and secrecy to safety and accountability.”

As we mark Child Protection Week, Mazeeda’s message is both urgent and hopeful: “Don’t wait for a campaign or a headline to protect children. Start by listening to them, by creating spaces where they feel safe, and by believing them when they speak. It’s not just the responsibility of professionals—it’s on all of us.” She urges adults to be vigilant for signs of abuse. “Children may become withdrawn, isolated, or exhibit poor self-care. Others might act out disruptively, seeking attention but unable to articulate what’s wrong. If a child discloses abuse, it’s crucial to listen, be supportive, reassure them it’s not their fault, and report it immediately. Reporting isn’t optional—it’s a legal and moral responsibility.”

This Child Protection Week, let’s all take responsibility. Whether you’re a parent, educator, neighbour, or friend, your actions can create ripples of safety and support for the children around you. Stand with survivors. Speak out. Build a world where every child can feel safe, heard, and valued. If you or someone you know needs support, Rape Crisis is here to help. Our 24-hour helpline is always open: 021 447 9762. Your courage is met with compassion, and no one has to face this alone. Let’s work together to break the silence and create a society where every child’s voice is heard. Let’s build a future where no child has to face this journey alone.

2nd June 2025/by Sino
https://rapecrisis.org.za/wp-content/uploads/2025/06/Spotlight-on-Mazeeda-Karani.png 768 1366 Sino https://rapecrisis.org.za/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/RC-logo-color-1.png Sino2025-06-02 17:12:032025-06-02 17:12:03Protecting Children is Everyone’s Responsibility

A Letter from a Survivor

Counselling, Road To Justice, Road To Recovery, Speak Out

The following piece is a first-hand account of sexual abuse written by a courageous survivor in her own words. Parts of this letter may be triggering to some – reader discretion is advised. If you would like to speak to a Rape Crisis counsellor, please contact our 24 helpline: 021 447 9762. If you can’t speak to anyone, speak to us.

You have a choice. Don’t let anybody make you believe that you don’t.

Someone might have power over your body for a moment, but they don’t have power over your mind or your future. I know because a few months ago I thought it was going to be a normal Monday afternoon, but it was not a normal Monday.

I was raped for two hours that Monday. Someone that I had trusted with what was most important to me disregarded my trust in the most horrific way. I kept asking him to stop as the tears flooded my eyes and ran down my cheeks, but he did not stop.

He did not stop.

If it wasn’t for a phone call with a friend the day after, I don’t know if I would have said anything. But that evening I decided to press charges, and since then I have been fighting for my own justice. It was at the forensic unit that I visited within 72hrs that the fact that I had been raped finally hit me.

Though the inside of my secret place had been violently torn, broken, skinned, bruised, and swollen (I could not walk properly or sit down without pain for two weeks and the doctor said it would take 6-8 months for my body to heal completely) — these were only physical wounds. But it was the unseen wounds that I did not accept.

I did not accept shame, depression, feeling unloved, unworthy, rejected or broken. I did not accept the idea that I was any less of a person than I was before the rape. I did not accept that there was anything wrong with me, because there wasn’t. No, there was only something wrong with the person that committed this crime.

Though I still felt pain and my heart was broken because someone I considered a friend would do this to me, it was not the pain that tripped me up. NO, it was the pain that made me want to scream. It was the pain that made me want to speak. It was the pain that made me want to let the world know that even though evil things happen, you do NOT need to allow a circumstance to have power over you.

Even if you didn’t speak up when you were raped, you can still speak up now – it’s never too late to share your story.

You can still have your justice too.

29th April 2022/by Sino
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10 Things Your Rape Crisis Counsellor Wants You To Know

Counselling, GBV / Gender based violence, Road To Recovery

1. You can talk to us about anything

We are not here to judge you or any of your behaviours. We care that you feel able to bring anything to the session that you are grappling with or that other people around you are confronting you about.

 

2. Healing from trauma is tricky

Sometimes it means grappling with very difficult emotions and memories that can leave you feeling ‘raw’ after a session. This does not mean that you are doing something wrong or that you are not healing. It can be a sign that you are working on things.

 

3. Be patient and proud that you have taken the steps

Not feeling better after one session? Struggling to implement the coping strategies that have been suggested? That’s okay, give yourself time to adjust to the changes and figure out what works for your personal healing journey. Seeking help is already a courageous step.

 

4. Counselling does not mean that you have to tell us what happened

You can (of course) tell us what happened. But counselling is about how you manage and cope afterwards and how you experience yourself in the world and would prefer to experience yourself.

 

5. We are here to listen

We recognize that guilt, self-doubt and the ‘what-ifs’ are often tricky visitors. We hope to help you shift them so that you can live the life that you need.

 

6. There is no ‘right’ time for counselling

Some survivors come within days of the incident, others seek counselling years after sexual violence. We are available to help you at whatever phase you are in your recovery. When you are ready, you are welcome to reach out.

 

7. Counselling can help

You are not likely to forget what happened. How you feel when you think about it or are triggered in some way can change.

 

8. Seeking counselling is a strength and not a weakness

It can sometimes look as though others are dealing with bigger things or are dealing with things in a better way. We are interested in helping you explore the strength you have within you.

 

9. Recovery is possible

One of the myths rape culture promotes is that after sexual violence you will forever be broken and tainted. This idea reduces one’s life to being very narrowly defined and unfair to those other incredible sides of you that we would like to assist you get in touch with.

 

10. We believe you

What you were wearing at the time was not an invitation to be raped. Any time someone blames you for the crime remember, it was not your actions but the actions of the perpetrator that were criminal.

 

Written by

Shiralee McDonald (Counselling Coordinator)

Ronel Koekemoer (Observatory Counselling Coordinator)

16th September 2021/by Sino
https://rapecrisis.org.za/wp-content/uploads/2021/09/Road-to-Recovery.png 1350 1350 Sino https://rapecrisis.org.za/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/RC-logo-color-1.png Sino2021-09-16 10:51:382021-09-16 10:51:3810 Things Your Rape Crisis Counsellor Wants You To Know
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